Floss religiously

Dangle the carrot

A US Army recruiter was hanging around the dental student lounge on the fourth floor of Basic Science building yesterday afternoon.

He walked over to the table where I was sitting with some friends and interrupted our conversation like this:

Excuse me, but my name is Major [whoreallycares]. I stopped by to tell you guys a few things about the Army Health professions program. We're now offering a $60,000 bonus, in-school stipends of $1300 a month, and loan repayment up to $120,000. You'll enter as a captain, and captain's pay is right at $5,000 per month. I'd like to know if I can answer any questions for you guys?

I'll give the guy credit for having a good opening statement.

Translation: We're desperate. This war is so jacked up that we can't even get medical personnel any more. Doubling the sign on bonus has had little effect.

Unfortunately, recruiters tend to lie a little bit. I'm sure everything he mentioned is available... just not to one person. If you get the stipend, then you probably aren't eligible for the bonus etc.

Friend #1: If I join, can I drive one of the tanks when we have a little bit of free time?

Recruiter: Um... no. Medical personnel do not fight.
Translation: Are you retarded?

Friend # 2: If I were to sign up, how does the army decide where to send me?
Recruiter: We've got bases all of the world. You order your preferences, and they give you whatever is available.
Translation: Sign the dotted line so that the Army can own your soul. After that, we'll send you on paid vacations to Iraq, Germany, then North Korea, and worst of all--Kansas.

Then Major [whatever] says to me, "You don't look too interested. What's the matter--you don't like the war?"

Me: Um..

Major [whatever]: Go on, you can say it.

Me: No sir, I don't like the war. Even more than that, I don't like the Army. The last thing I'm here for is to sell my soul so I can listen to somebody tell me what to do, where to live, and what to wear.

Major [whatever]: Well, a lot of people in the Army don't like the war. And your patients are going to be your bosses when you start practicing anyhow.

Me: Yes, but they don't make me wake up at 5am. (And they don't send me to Iraq)
Translation: The Army man still needs to up the ante--starting with letting my pick the city from the beginning.

To be honest, the military offers a pretty good deal. Given my current income, the army's salary sounds incredible. The fact that they pay for school is pretty impressive as well.

Three or four years ago dental students were graduating with about $100,000 in school loans. Now the 4 year program costs more like $160,000.

I'm pretty firm on keeping my soul away from the Army, but every now and then it is interesting to think about signing up so I don't have to think about money.